The Hidden Messages: Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn, Submit, & Faint

Stress and tension are mounting all around us. Grief and loss weigh heavy, trauma and betrayal leave invisible scars, anxiety presses hard, and depression clouds the way forward. Many feel alone. Chronic pain and illness quietly drain energy and joy. At the same time, there is a push to move faster and achieve more, yet so many feel emptier than ever. Despite endless ways to stay connected, a persistent void remains.

Beneath the pain, there is a way to healing. The human spirit is resilient, and when we begin to notice the body’s signals, tend to the nervous system, and open ourselves to genuine support, new pathways toward restoration appear. Hope may feel hidden, but it is never gone!

To begin understanding areas in your personal life where support may be lacking, consider assessing four main spheres: biological, psychological, social, and spiritual. Reflect on these areas. What are you noticing? What messages are emerging that provide clues?

The nervous system communicates with each of us in unique ways. Depending on life experiences, states of being fluctuate. No one stays in an ideal state at every moment, nor should we expect ourselves or anyone else to. People move in and out of uncomfortable states or even feel trapped in them. Family dynamics also influence which states feel acceptable or suppressed. Some automatic nervous system survival responses include fight, flight, freeze, fawn, submit, and faint. Alongside these, there is also the safe and social state—a regulated place of calm connection where the body feels safe, present, and able to engage with others.

People often feel concerned about moving in and out of their survival states and search for ways to return to places of safety and tolerance. Many worry about being unable to return to their window of tolerance. Recognizing these unsettling states is the first step toward regulation and seeking healing.

Let’s explore the survival states and consider ways to find safety and be present again:

1. Fight
   Experience: Anger, frustration, aggression.
   Healthy Approaches: Breathe deeply, ground yourself, move the body, write or talk it out calmly.

2. Flight
   Experience: Restlessness, urge to escape.
   Healthy Approaches: Pause and check in, slow movements, break tasks into steps, use calming imagery.

3. Freeze
   Experience: Feeling stuck, numb, dissociated.
   Healthy Approaches: Gentle movement, engage the senses, connect with someone safe, use meditative or prayerful words.

4. Fawn
   Experience: People-pleasing, over-accommodating.
   Healthy Approaches: Set small boundaries, practice saying no, journal your needs, seek supportive relationships.

5. Submit
   Experience: Giving up control, feeling powerless.
   Healthy Approaches: Make small decisions, reflect on values, practice self-compassion, seek support.

6. Faint
   Experience: Shutdown, collapse, lightheadedness.
   Healthy Approaches: Breathe gently, rest in a safe position, hydrate, slowly reconnect with your surroundings.

By understanding these states and practicing healthy responses, we can expand our window of tolerance, move toward healing, and regain a sense of agency. Each response carries a message about the body’s attempt to protect. These responses are not “bad”; when understood and redirected, they provide valuable information. The goal is not to eliminate them, but to shift from automatic survival patterns into intentional expressions. With awareness, self-compassion, and supportive tools, navigating stress becomes more manageable, and growth becomes possible—even in the most difficult, life-changing seasons.

Hidden Messages – Reflective Questions

• Lately, what state do I feel I stay in most often—fight, flight, freeze, fawn, submit, or faint?

• How do I physically experience this state in my body? (e.g., tension, shallow breathing, restlessness, etc.)

• What are the consistent patterns or triggers that lead me into this state?

• What helps me feel most connected to the safe and social state?

Resources

• Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves—and How to Find Our Way Back, Dr. Ingrid Clayton

• The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture, Gabor Maté, MD

• The Nervous System Reset: Heal Trauma, Resolve Chronic Pain, and Regulate Your Emotions with the Power of the Vagus Nerve, Jessica Maguire

• The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves, Curt Thompson, MD (Faith-Based Author & Psychiatrist)