Full stop…narcissist ahead!
Narcissism is word heard in many circles, and synonymous with anyone showing signs of a toxic personality type. Social media, books, podcasts, documentaries, movies, conversations with a loved one, narcissism is buzzword showing up everywhere. Although when people say the word narcissist, there are automatic red flags expected from the phrase, people still find themselves caught in a damaging relationship with a partner, family member, or colleague. Oftentimes, individuals question themselves, their reality, and experience low self-esteem. For some, the relationship is short-lived, while others spend years in a toxic dance.
Without awareness, people walk away from one difficult relationship and straight into the arms of another! Blindsided, individuals find themselves repeating the same pattern over and over with the question, “why me?” Dr. Ramani Durvasula, expert on narcissism, talks about certain types of people drawn to narcissists. Simply put, narcissists go after people with strong empathy, rescuer mentality, those with positive mindsets, individuals open to extending forgiveness, and grown children of narcissistic parents.
Even though people are quick to say, “narcissist!”, they are often unsure about the characteristics too. Narcissism is on a spectrum from mild to severe, so knowing more about the continuum helps. For example, some people may deal with a very emotionally immature, superficial narcissist, while another person feels trapped by one attempting to destroy them. Both represent the different extremes!
Below provides an overview of narcissistic characteristics to further elaborate:
1.) Grandiosity-someone who sees themselves as superior and expects special treatment.
2.) Lack of Empathy-unable to grasp someone else’s emotional experiences.
3.) Endless need for entitlement-person believes they are privileged, possessing specific rights above others.
4.) Unquenchable need for admiration-a desire for constant acknowledgement and praise.
Based on information and research from Dr. Durvasula, there are four main types too:
*Grandiose/Overt-conversations with the type are one-sided, but many are drawn to their charming nature. Often too, the grandiose/overt narcissist has big dreams, and they will execute them. They are generally successful, larger than life, and celebrated in their community.
*Vulnerable/Covert-the type operates differently than the usual narcissist. They hit the key areas of narcissism such as lacking empathy and feeling entitled, but they display a hypersensitivity too. Many times, they come off as sullen and resentful because of a failure to launch in life. Most people will notice the person displays contempt in their relationships. Also, projection is another quality exhibited.
*Malignant-such a person exhibits much darker traits. They tend to exploit others and weaponize themselves. People need to understand their intent is to wreck lives. They break up their families, wreak havoc in workplaces, emotionally/psychologically take out acquaintances/friends, all with the purpose to destroy everything in their pathway. They have a psychopathic way about them and staying connected to them invites danger.
*Communal-Such individuals are always upfront showcasing their great deeds, perceiving themselves as significant rescuers, demonstrating to others their exhaustive efforts to help people, displaying their awards for others to notice, etc. Oftentimes, you will find the communal type seeking out a camera, as they thrive on the attention. There is no way to ever please or thank them enough though. The social media environment is many times where they flourish!
Although the above information is not meant to diagnosis or label anyone with Narcisstic Personality Disorder, the goal is to paint a clearer picture of narcissism. Someone may possess narcissistic behaviors but never qualify for a diagnosis. Most of the time, people struggling with NPD do not seek out therapy, but people around them require support because of the emotional, psychological, and/or physical abuse. If you or someone you know is experiencing an abusive/toxic relationship, seek professional support with a mental health counselor as soon as possible. Expanding a person’s community prevents isolation, especially when you are dealing with a toxic person. Protect yourself! You deserve healthy and valuable relationships!
A KYW therapist maybe a good fit, if you or someone you know is seeking further care. Reach out and let us know how we can support you: Know Your Worth Counseling and Wellness.
Journal Questions about Narcissism
What traits make me a target for a narcissist?
Who can I count on to provide a trusted and safe environment for me?
Where do I need to start, in order to bolster my support system?
What relationship boundaries need to be implemented/changed immediately, in order to improve care for myself?
Resources on Narcissism
It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People, Dr. Ramani Durvasula
The Highly Sensitive Person’s Guide to Dealing with Toxic People: How to Reclaim Your Power from Narcissists and Other Mainpulators, Shahida Arabi MA and Andrea Schneider LCSW.
Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist, Dr. Ramani Durvasula
